Your Ad Here

Search this blog

Custom Search

August 10, 2009

Posted to Craig's List Personals

No idea how true this is... but it's funny!
If you like this one, also look at a similar one I found on YouTube.


To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 A M EST.

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message.

I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. It was not cold, but I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for Christmas, and we picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you left your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I didn't want your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.

I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explained your situation. I bought myself and four other people in the gas station a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with the cash in your wallet. I threw the wallet in a pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the driver side.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I got in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).

I'd like to apologize for not killing you, and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I hope you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. - Alex

98 comments:

Anonymous said...

Win

Raymond Botha said...

That's funny!

Anonymous said...

LOL, I came across this with Stumble. Damn I love living in Savannah!

Anonymous said...

same here i came upon this with stumble
really funny!

OreoPocky said...

Pssh.
I think, this as been the best win, I have ever seen.
Kudos.

Anonymous said...

fucken sweet

Anonymous said...

hilarious man
really good

Anonymous said...

that is one of the most disgusting articles Ive ever read. How dare you? You are sickening.

Anonymous said...

what the hell is all this 'win' bollocks? Can't anyone talk proper any more?

Anonymous said...

.45 ACP FTW

Anonymous said...

Win +1

Anonymous said...

nice

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, there's a reason you won't ever see the follow up to this CL posting...mostly because the next time this happens the mugger will have backup and this idiot will get himself shot.

Gotta love idiots who think guns are anyway useful as self protection.

Anonymous said...

this is funny, but he turned into someone just as bad as the mugger...

Anonymous said...

I think your account of your encounter is bullshit. Perhaps afterwards in your fantasy, that is how you wish it had gone down. In fact, you probably cried like a baby,and were the one that shit his pants, and your girlfriend no longer wishes to be with you.

If in fact, you were carrying a gun, that in itself speaks volumes about your lack of courage and your lack of morality.

Anonymous said...

I love idiots! Oh, not the author of the article, I meant the people leaving these comments.

Anonymous said...

this idiot posting at 1:43 today apparently doesn't realize the inherent dangers of living...well, just about anywhere. I applaud your carrying a gun, and consider you unlucky to have had to use it. Still, the mugger earned what he got.

Anonymous said...

Why would any of you sympathize with the would be mugger in this situation? Someone supposedly exercised his constitutionally guaranteed right to self defense and taught a crook a lesson. At the very least you could recognize that a fictitious situation such as this one would be entertaining to witness in real life.

To the user who commented "I think your account of your encounter is bullshit. Perhaps afterwards in your fantasy, that is how you wish it had gone down.": Please learn how to form a sentence correctly in English with the right syntax, diction, etc. When you do not speak clearly your message looses credibility. Your writing could probably be improved greatly if you took the time to brush up on the rules governing the use of commas in our language. You're welcome. Also, there is no relationship between legally carrying a gun and the level of morality of the person in possession of the gun. There are many words that can be used to describe such a person and immoral is not one of them. I would put forth that self reliant, intelligent, and realistic are all suitable substitutes. Please explain how a willingness to take one's personal safety and the safety of those around him on as a responsibility constitutes lack of courage. In other words, put up or shut up.

To the user who said "Gotta love idiots who think guns are anyway useful as self protection." A cursory examination of the relevant facts and statistics with reveal that there is a direct correlation between the "level of gun control" in a given area and the level of violent crime in said area. It is a proportional relationship which means that as one increases so does the other. A good example to test this idea would be to compare the cities of Washington DC and any other city in the United States. Another way to prove this to yourself would be to take a look at the crime statistics of Australia after they instituted some massive gun control legislation. Read! It's good for you and the people around you.

To the user who said "that is one of the most disgusting articles Ive ever read. How dare you? You are sickening.": Capitalize the letters that begin a sentence; we learned that in elementary school. Judging by your statement I am forced to conclude that you do not read nearly enough either. I'm confused... how dare he protect himself and his girlfriend? The audacity!..... I'm being sarcastic there if you can't tell.

Anonymous said...

Actually the precursorydatastatisblahblabhalbbalhablh shut up.

there is extreme gun control in most of the civilized world and, woah, now hold on here, there is significantly lower gun violence than what we have in the US! :|

Anonymous said...

I agree with pretty much all you did UNTIL you vandalized another person's car. I realize it was attempt to get crook in trouble, but what if that guy didn't have enough insurance or money to cover damage? That one act made your moral high ground quite shaky...

Anonymous said...

If true... this is a fantastic story. I'm a tiny bit skeptical, but that's just me.

Either way, it's a heck of a funny story. Love it!

And truly... what's this 'win' and 'fail' crap that's overtaking the Internet?

Anonymous said...

wins FTW!

Anonymous said...

I think its really very cute how you like to point out grammer and punctuation errors as though you were some sort of literary scholar. The fact that someone failed to capitalize a single letter is less likely a factor of education and more likely a typo, but then I suppose a naturally perfect person such as yourself might not understand.

Did he have the right to pull a gun a on the guy? Hell yes. I'd even say calling his mother might be interesting and fair. A better use of that wallet would be to report the incident to the police. To commit evil acts against someone who was going to commit an evil act upon you does not make you a hero; it makes you a bad person.

I don't believe this story is true and I hope its not. I don't sympathise with a mugger, but neither do I sympathise with a sadist.

Anonymous said...

I have my doubts about this story being FOR REAL. It sounds like what a person WISHES had happened.

Starpass said...

Great story..well written and yes, very funny!!

Anonymous said...

Whether it's real or something he WISHES happened...
I wish it happened to me, and I reacted that way. Fcuker deserved it.

Anonymous said...

Lol at the rager's in here, wether its true or not it doesnt matter,

its still fucken funny

win +1

Anonymous said...

i get yo dickheard

Anonymous said...

A fine story either way. Sadistic? Maybe, but personally I have no patience for people who try to harm others for no reason other than their personal gain. I doubt any of the people that are complaining about the tale have ever actually been mugged before. If it's true, then props for giving the rat bastard a little comeuppance and if it's not true then I still think congratulations are in order for trolling everyone.

As for the you guys who are constantly asking what the "win" bullshit is, some people don't want to or aren't smart enough to type up a proper diatribe about whether or not they like a story. Sometimes, a little win or fail is all you need.

Anonymous said...

bullshit.

Anonymous said...

Distrust for all those not in favor of a righteous act of revenge. Don’t cry to me or your mothers or fathers if you fail to defend yourselves in a situation similar to the above.

It is because of the action taken by our friend here that you may walk down those same Savannah streets without fear of at least one asshole.

Well done sir, and thank you for a great "big fish" story that i found myself helplessly laughing at.

Anonymous said...

Good stuff!

I like how people take the story word for word. Because the statement was posted on Craig's List it was most likely hyped up quite a bit in hopes that if, in the unlikely event that, the mugger read the message the person would freak out!

Oh yeah... it's the fucking internet!! No need to be so serious. I love silly people, and lamp

Anonymous said...

To the person correcting the other person's grammar (at 2:21 pm), you said, "looses" and that is not how you spell it. It is "loses." So before you bash someone else for how their grammar or spelling is, you may want to reread your own.
But I agree the crook got what was coming to him.

Anonymous said...

clown.

Anonymous said...

Being someone who has had more than one altercation on the streets of Savannah I must say... Fine work !!

Anonymous said...

real whiteboy fantasy

Steve said...

Personally I think the story is probably fiction but having said that, has anyone considered why the mugger was doing what he was doing?

You have to imagine that approaching someone in America who has the constitutional right to carry a gun when you are only carrying a knife must either require huge balls or more likely desperation.

Does anybody know what circumstances drove that poor fool to undertake such a dangerous act? Was it that he was a crack smoking fiend trying to supply his habit? What if he wasnt? What if he was a marginalised member of a careless society reduced to thievery to feed his children by the greed of the US banking system and the global credit crunch.

What if the guy carrying the gun was the guy that sold him the mortgage that ultimately saw him in this sorry state? What if he was a politician that let it happen or a Wall Street financier that profited from it? Who would the hero of the piece be then?

Would you all cheer as he and his silicon endowed bimbo hopped in his Porsche and Jetted off to his Belair mansion? Like fuck you would! You'd wish the little guy got his own back. It's all about perspective. Any given story is still only part of the story.

Anonymous said...

The low level of gun control in the US springs from the war of independence when citizens fought for their right to create their own government after years under British rule. I beleive that the right to bear arms is an old-world idea but everyone has a right to defend themselves in any way possible, if guns are availible and legal that is acceptable.

Canadian Maiden

Anonymous said...

stumbled too

Anonymous said...

I would have simply shot the jerk and rid the world of yet one more unneeded asshole.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled

Anonymous said...

win ++++++++++1

Anonymous said...

Steve: Really Steve... really? wow lol

Carlos said...

Don't get me wrong, I've felt a craving for vengeance many times, but I still think that this story is better.

Anonymous said...

theres someone in my anus and its not me:)

Anonymous said...

to anonymous who posted on August 10, 2009 12:43 PM who wrote "what the hell is all this 'win' bollocks? Can't anyone talk proper any more?" Don't you mean "What the hell is all this "Win" bollocks? Can't anyone speak (or type in this case) properly any more?"
Sorry if you feel slightly humiliated in any way, shape or form

Anonymous said...

to the person who wrote " think your account of your encounter is bullshit. Perhaps afterwards in your fantasy, that is how you wish it had gone down. In fact, you probably cried like a baby,and were the one that shit his pants, and your girlfriend no longer wishes to be with you.

If in fact, you were carrying a gun, that in itself speaks volumes about your lack of courage and your lack of morality."
On August 10, 2009 1:43 PM
How dare you think having a gun with youdoes anything to morality? You must truely be a dumb ass. And what about lack of courage? It shows he has more courage than whay you would have done in that situation

Anonymous said...

Dang, I would've just gave him two in the chest and one in the head and enjoyed the benefits later of my girlfriend thanking me for saving her.

Anonymous said...

Seriously. Why must everything turn into an argument. Although it was probably not a true story, it was still a great read. Fuck all the haters and fuck everyone trying to correct spelling and structure. Last time i checked this was the internet, not a thread in a college textbook.

Congratufuckinglations, you know how to correct everyone else, now bend over and take my foot up your ass.

Nicole said...

To Anonymous who posted on August 10, 2009 2:10 PM ... I think I love you : )

Anonymous said...

stumbled

Anonymous said...

stumbled
awesome
win
alex is a BA

Anonymous said...

Stumbled.
Thumbs up.
EPIC
FUCKING
WIN

Dallas said...

AWESOME
And Pink Floyd is awesome; "Brain Damage" is one of my favorites.

Aaron Millirons (find my ass on facebook if you care to) said...

amazing. what's done is done. it's not like any of these people leaving comments can change what happened anyways so i say cudos to you. way to stick it to someone who tries to take advantage of people. i also stumbled upon this randomly. ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY made my night. lol

Anonymous said...

The problem with guns and gun control is mostly cultural. Other cultures don't have gun issues because they don't have a bunch of senseless jigaboos running around with illegally owned guns! Not to sound overly cliché, but rap music DEFINITELY glorifies it, and thus reinforces the culture. Since your common nigger will blame "the man" and is lacking the higher brain function to see that they are indeed holding THEMSELVES back, the cycle will continue to spill over into society ad infinitum.

Before you cry racism (even if I am just as racist as you are deep down), go study statistics of gun crime percentages in relation to total population. On the average, blacks are shooting people much more than any other demographic....SHOCKING.

I never understood why idiots think more laws will stop savages from shooting people.

Along the same lines is why Americans on the whole are way too immature to witness nudity in commercials like other cultures (where it is no big deal). It is because our culture as a whole is fucktarded.

Also, this story is fake like your mom's new tits. Yeah ok - some guy proceeded to become a criminal himself and break windows etc just to get back at the guy with the knife. Go climb a wall of dicks, author.

To those thumbing this up, you fucking fail. I can only hope that someone "thumbs up" tranny pics and tags them "anime" for your perusal at work.

*Also, to the douchefuck grammar-nazi above: it's LOSES, not LOOSES. Irony is awesome. :)

**I'm quitting smoking today, can you tell?

Anonymous said...

^Now that, my friends, was epic fucking win.

Anonymous said...

Ok, that comment at Aug 11 7:11am was funny. I was just about to say, "what an asshole" until I read the last line.

err... you may want to start smoking again. Your blood pressure may actually decrease.

Awesome read too... real or not.

Anonymous said...

You ruined my pink pimp mobile, you bastard!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow you people need to get a life if this posting is bothering you so much.

Anonymous said...

I have read this in swedish about 6 months ago, I didn't belive then either.

Chunky Lover said...

Holy crap, I copied this from an email I received into this blog just for shits and giggles.

WTF happened? lol

Anonymous said...

what a prick. defense is one thing but this is a bit far.

Anna Lauren Levy said...

you win.

Anonymous said...

Guns save the world.

Reddyredd said...

Dear Mugger Who Confronted Me With A Gun,

Sorry you crapped your pants when I pulled out my Bazooka!

Anonymous said...

tres bien, cest vraiment amusant.

Anonymous said...

Ωραία ιστορία και πολύ καλογραμμένη. Μα φυσικά και είναι φανταστική. Και τα σχόλια που ακολουθούν; Το ένα καλύτερο επό το άλλο. Συμπεριλαμβανομένων και των αποβλήτων. Παρατηρώ ότι είστε φυτιλιασμένοι έτοιμοι να ανατιναχτείτε μερικοί. Σίγουρα όμως μερικοί θα αγοράσουν πιστόλια μετά από αυτό. Ιδίως όσοι έχουν φάει την κρυάδα. Αλίμονο. Εύχομαι τα παιδια όλων σας να κολήσσουν στα ναρκωτικά και να το ευχαριστιούνται.

Anonymous said...

Πλάκα κάνω έτσι;

Anonymous said...

Dear author,

You ruined my life. The FBI came to my house and detained my twin brother, thinking he was me. During an attempt to break up the fight since my brother had sustained a recent injury, my father was shot. He is currently in the hospital in critical condition and upon his release will be charged with two counts of tampering with a federal investigation and one count of assault of a federal officer.

My mother had a heart attack during the arrest. Although it was oinly her first, the doctors said that it was massive.

The owner of the car you wrecked happened to belong to Jimmy Smokes. He broke my brother's arm, hence the injury, and only stopped beating him up when he saw me and heard what you'd done. He laughed so hard that he left my brother and I alone and threw us a roll of 20's to patch up the arm.

My credit card company froze my account after some "suspicious activity" to it, which I guess was your purchase of roughly $700 in gasoline, along with the $1200 mink coat that Jimmy bought himself. When I tried to say I'd been mugged, they saw I'd purchased a magazine at the corner store half a block away. The found the tapes from the security cameras and saw that I had instigated the attack and have blackballed me from opening any kind of account for the next seven years.

I'm out on parole right now. You got what you wanted. Had I known it would ahve been this way I would have asked you to kill me. I regret asking you for your jacket because in hindsight, I probably didn't need it. I also didn't need for my father to be killed, my brother to be assaulted and detained by federal officials, my landlord to be investigated by the DEA, and my mother to be in the hospital clinging to her life.

Congratulations.

Anonymous said...

I meant to right that my father was nearly killed. You get the idea.

Anonymous said...

Obviously this response probably isn't real. If all of those things happened you wouldnt be on here responding anonymously to a message. But if you are real I think it's simple to say maybe you should of chose the right path to not of threatened someone else's life in the first place....and then maybe all these horrible things wouldn't of happened to you in the first place. Don't be a cry baby because you werr commiting a felony in the first place. This coming from a police officer you are lucky you didnt go to jail for the rough 5-10 years as well, with the case of assault with a deadly weapon on two counts. The author had a legal right to conceal a weapon to fend off assholes like you. That's real justice it sounds to me. America. Fuck yeah.

Anonymous said...

LMAO...
Team America. Fuck Yeah!!

(from a lowly Canadian...)

Matthew said...

To the anyonomous author of the essay defending gun rights at 2:21 PM on August 10th,

If you are not able to squeeze the meaning out of someone's comment because of an excess of commas, you are probably retarded.

And by the way, the author of the original blog post is sick. Even if it is fabricated.

Anonymous said...

hah stumble stories ftw

Anonymous said...

fucking awesome stummble, the comments are just as amusing as the story. I love the fucking internet!

Anonymous said...

meh i keep thinking whats life going to be for the poor bastards afterwards... oh well, guess it's just another face off for society.

Anonymous said...

FTW

Anonymous said...

My goodness.I agree with whomever said to forget about grammar because this is teh fuuuckin interweb.

... Whomever? Whoever? Is whom even a real word?

Anonymous said...

Interweb? Bloody Brits (teasing!)

Jim Williams said...

Ahh, the South. Love to entertain myself with the stupidities of those who don't comprehend "whom" and who don't fathom the complexities of common human decency as an integral component of society, as opposed to an inconvenient deviation of artistocratic societal norms.

and I'm soooo looking forward to reading the confused responses to my English language post.

Anonymous said...

Well Jim, if nothing else, you certainly sound full of yourself.

Anonymous said...

jim you are a conceited piece of crap. how long did it take you to craft that posting?

Anonymous said...

EPIC WIN!

Anonymous said...

*sigh*
Why can't anybody take this post at face value?
It was funny; it was obviously fictional, and it was funny.
Some of you are getting far too emotional over this.
Lighten up.

Anonymous said...

Fiction. Fail.

Anonymous said...

Anyone ever try to use the same credit card on multiple pumps at a gas station?

Doesn't work, to prevent running up a huge bill on a stolen card. Gotta go to two or three stations.

Anonymous said...

Posted as:
Things I Wished I'd Done When I Was BurJacked.

Anonymous said...

gotta love savannah crime rates.

spy gear said...

thats good stuff

Anonymous said...

I could see this as being 90% true except the fact that you called the dea and fbi. I could believe that you believe you did this.

Anonymous said...

:) you american gun loving wankers

Anonymous said...

This story is so full of win.
I don't care if it is fake.
Absolute legend.

Anonymous said...

Never happened - check out www.snopes.com

fredwrite said...

I got mugged by an American Bulldog once. Kicked him right in the chin.

Anonymous said...

While everything else you did was pretty hilarious, why did you fuck that guys car up? He had no part in this and breaking his windows and keying his car was a huge dick move, and you're a fucking prick for that.

Anonymous said...

To anyone saying this person was in the wrong for doing what he did, you are a foolish individual whohas never been heldd up by a wide-eyed coon on PCP. If he hadnt had the gun he might have been killed and his hubbie raped... Cootos to the dude for not atleast shooting the man in the knee caps. There's other ways to make quick cash, like drug dealing, robbin drug dealers, robbin a liqure store, but if you're muggin innocent people on the streets you deserve everything that happened to you...

Anonymous said...

You guys do realize this is most likely a ficticious story loosely based on an actual event made purely for your enjoyment.... its a joke, enjoy it like one

Post a Comment