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June 9, 2009

Woman Sues Quaker Oats Because She Thought A Captain Crunch Crunchberry Was A Real Berry

I copied this article in its entirety from here. It is not my own... I just think it's f***ing hilarious. I hope no one objects.

Woman Sues Quaker Oats Because She Thought A Captain Crunch Crunchberry Was A Real Berry And She Learned It Isn't
Ate them for 4 years for better health. In other news, eating Captain Crunch Crunchberries cereal does not improve mental health


Janine Sugawara of California was shocked to learn that the "crunchberries" in Captain Crunch Crunchberries cereal are not real berries. She had been eating them for better health for four years.

Pic of Captain Crunch Crunchberries should be here

Whilst most people would be too embarrassed to tell anyone they had believed such a stupid thing, Sugawara went and filed a class action lawsuit against Quaker Oats, claiming that they purposely deceived "reasonable" people into believing that crunchberries were a real fruit. Can you have a "class" of one?

While we are all fed up by the number of stupid lawsuits which are allowed to progress, and which often end with ridiculous awards, our hero, US District Judge, Morrison C. England, Jr., immediately dismissed the suit writing,

"Under normal circumstances, when this Court grants a Motion to Dismiss, the Plaintiff is given a reasonable period of time, usually twenty (20) days, in which to file an amended complaint. In this case, however, it is simply impossible for Plaintiff to file an amended complaint stating a claim based upon these facts. The survival of the instant claim would require this Court to ignore all concepts of personal responsibility and common sense.The Court has no intention of allowing that to happen."

The specific reasons for the dismissal include:
  • "Defendant chose the moniker `Crunchberries' for its brightly colored cereal balls. As far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world.

  • Sugawara's attorney had previously failed in an attempt to sue Kellogg under a similar Fruit Loops action. This makes him a cereal frivolous lawsuit filer.

LexisNexis 20-May-09

Click here to see the court's decision

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