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June 10, 2009

Actual letter to the Canadian Passport Office

I suspect there are multiple versions of this out there, from various countries... but I'm sure we can all relate.
I'm tempted to actually send this in, but I don't want to see an unmarked white panel van sitting down the road from my house.

Actual letter to the Canadian Passport Office

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!


I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fuckin' address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthal assholes workin' there!

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fuckin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60!!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!  (fuckin' morons)

Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!

Signed - An Irate fucking Canadian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang.

I was aide de camp to the Lieutenant Governor of our province for ten years and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fucking CHINA !!!


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

that was freakin sweet

(Another) Annoyed Canadian said...

Racist and full of himself. The only objections he seems to have in this letter are the fact that me must fill out a form that asks him for his address and birthday, even if the government already has it, and that he must get his picture verified. What happens if his address changes? What happens if he picked up the form from a Canada Post office or Canada Passport Office (both of which are valid options)? His second issue is having his picture verified by somone. No one should be able to verify their own information. The fact that he thinks that his doctor is less of a Canadian citizen than he is disgusting. How is his doctor's origin even relevent to this? He obviously feels entitled to some special treatment over others because of his service to our country, which is, in my eyes, a sign of somone who does not deserve recognition. If he believes that his volunteer work, or that his professional life should warrant special treatment over others, he's vitally mistaken. I really do hope that the canadian government ignores this letter, and keeps asking for his information. Maybe he'll have a stroke and grace us with his absense.

Anonymous said...

To the comment above:


Anonymous said...

Damned Vogons

Anonymous said...

Wow,way to miss the point. This man obviously isn't mad because his doctor is a chinese immigrant, thats more or less a non-issue for him ,as far as I can see. He's infuriated at the monsterous load of bureaucracy one has to deal with when getting necessary documentation. This appears to be a fact you've tacitly acceded to in saying that they should continue pestering him for redundant information in hopes it causes his death of stroke.Now,who can really argue that we don't need to streamline the system to a point where it isn't a dirrect insult on our intelligence.I'm sure one check could be as simple as a 'y/n on do you still currently live at the address indicated on your tax return?' it'd save tonnes of paper and probably start us on our way to less annoyng forms at the very least if not a more efficient bureaucracy. Getting back to this issue where you jump to conclusions and blast the author of the letter as a racist, what exactly other than his identification of the past nationality of his physitian do you have to openly asset he is ,in fact, a biggot? The point isn't that doctor is chinese,and the fact that you make the connection so readily disturbs me, the problem is the system. His mention of his doctor, though put into this context is troubling and may reflect on the older generation's lack of cultural sensitivity due to the continued dis-integration of some immigrant communities in our country and the tendency observed of immigrant populations to form enclaves. Ignorance ,but most likely not malice allowed him to target his doctor, someone his military training would have designated as an potential enemy even after the fall of soviet communism, as a possible weak link in the chain of gov't reasoning. You're doing something very similar when your call him a racist, I would guess you're at best 30ish and were brought up in the 'multicultural' canada of today, as was myself. We see rascists as threats, for good reason, because they destabalized the proper functioning of society as it is in canada where in any given workplace there can be upwards of 4-5 differnt ethnic backgrounds in the same field doing the same work. Your handling of that situation seems crude however as you're only going to escalate a situation by throwing around accusations. The dirtiest way I know of gaining ground on a modern white person in an argument is to insnuate they or their statement's are racist. This way stops it from being an argument on politics or principles etc. and make it into one about race, and to paraphrase Richard Pryor, once you call a man a nigger it's completely different, it's dehumanising. Calling a white person a racist is like calling a black person a 'nigger' to this generation. you're propegating hate either way and it takes away from the validity of your argument,as it stands on unproven accusation and rides a wave of instinctive hate for what we've been pre-programmed to view as different.I could liken it to scapegoating jews promoted by national socialism in Nazi Germany(especially in a Hitler Youth indoctrination of hate context)- however in reverse and well intentioned. Get a life and get of the extremist pc hig-horse you rode in on, the man has a valid concern that the gov't is wasting our time with it's inept bureaucracy.

P.S. the 'pc' I mention is mean to stand for politically correct, not progressive conservative, another can of worms entirely.

Chunky Lover said...

Oooh... a debate! :-)

Anonymous said...


Angela said...

Least you haven't got to the point where they charge you $300 for having a chip implanted in it that can (supposedly) identify your perspiration (or something similar)!

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